Thursday, March 23, 2017

Which Spouse Makes the New Home Buying Decision?

I’ve been married 47 years and life with Peg has taught me a few life lessons about what 'we' buy, especially when it comes to building a new home and what 'we' want in it.

Talking with other husbands over the years has confirmed what I have always suspected that if your wife doesn’t sign off mentally about which builder to use, what the design should be and what options are needed, she will be a thorn in the builder’s side both during construction and after move in.

Should husbands defer and give the final decision of which home builder to use to build their new home?

buying dec.jpg

Absolutely. As a husband, I’ve never once regretted letting my wife have her way or over-ride me on decisions related to house, home or kids. I also pick up my laundry, try to remember to put down the toilet seat, say “yes” when I know it’s the only practical answer and keep my mouth shut when no upside utterance exists.

Luckily I’m not forced to go to flower shows or walk the dog in the early morning hours, but do any of those other things make me less of a man? No.

A house is a home. Family completes the home, whether “family” is a freshly married couple without kids, or aging baby boomers like Peg and I. Most of my men friends are like me. We’re simple creatures. I can function in just about any living space. I could live in a garage and be happy. But no matter where I live, life is much better when my wife is completely happy. Much of her happiness is derived from our living circumstances, our home.

But none of this matters. It’s not a battle I choose the wage. If my wife wants to build ‘her’ house with a particular builder, that is OK. When she’s happy, we’re all happy. She knows best. I assess these things with logic. She has the benefit of a Mother’s Heart. Her intuition and instinct trumps my logic. Of this I am certain, and it is without reservation that I defer to her better judgment.

At the risk of sounding sexist, I admit to believing that women have a nesting instinct that men lack. So men, if you and your wife are on the exact same page with regard to which builder to use, price, location, schools and the physical attributes you seek when building your new home, more power to you. But if she has wants and requirements that you don’t understand or agree with, I’m telling you to let her have her way. Just do it. Don’t argue. She knows best. She does.

Advice to Modular Home Builders: It absolutely does not matter if you are a male or female new home builder, if you talk to the husband to the exclusion of the wife at the first meeting, kiss the sale goodbye.


Steve L said...

Single Women should not be ignored as home buyers

Coach said...

Steve, I've seen a few builders actually "talk down" to women looking to build a home both in their offices and at Home Shows. As I said, women make the final decision and it doesn't matter if they are married or single.